So, I have a daughter from a previous marriage.
Her father and I split up when she was almost three. Since, he has done NOTHING to help me raise this child and when I say nothing, I mean nothing. Not so much as bought this baby a pair of socks!!! I am not just one of these scorned mother mad because the ex has moved on with his life... to be honest, him leaving was the very best thing he could ever have done for me and my daughter.
I never asked him to leave, I simply told him if he wanted to stay, he would have to get a JOB!!!! OMG!!! The travesty of me telling him to get a job. I am a horrible person. He made his choice to walk out on his family.
We stayed in NC for about a year after he and I split up. When we separated we agreed that we would not fight for custody, only work out an arrangement between the two of us.... on the condition that he would help me raise our daughter financially. I did not want him to support us, which you can't do if you don't want to work anyway. I had a full time job and was going to school at the same time trying to make a better life for me and my child. I was not living on welfare or getting hand outs from anyone. Only help from my family, as in they watched my child when I was working.
Anyway, the first time I called him and told him that his child needed something was the winter that we divorced. I called him and told him that she needed winter clothes and I needed help buying them. I did not want his money, he could have sent me a gift card to wal-mart. But, he told me that he didn't have any money. I had recently talked to his ex-wife, the mother of his son that I had been taking care of for half his life. She informed me that he had just spent $300 on clothes for him. As well as buying winter coats for his sister's three children. I am sorry, but they have a mother and father. That's their job.
It was then, when he did not even say, let me see what I can come up with real quick, that I knew I would get no help from him. I don't know why I assumed that he would do anything for me when I knew for a fact that he never helped his son's mother. The only reason she got any help was because I made sure that he had all the things that he needed.
I moved back to TX in the spring of 06 in an effort to let my daughter be a part of her dad's life. Thinking I was doing the right thing for her. I was mistaken. She did not thrive well in the back and forth environment. He got her on Wednesday nights from 3-7 a visitation that DID NOT have to give him.... and every other weekend from Friday afternoon until Sunday at 6pm. Again a visitation that I was not legally obligated to give him as I had soul custody of our child at this point. I wanted to give him the opportunity to be a part of her life. But, he didn't always come to get her, he would FORGET!!!! How do you forget your baby???
I then met my husband, and moved an hour away... to which he quickly decided he would not be getting her on Wednesdays anymore. I understood that because he had his son that day as well, but he did not even attempt to arrange for him to have her another day. Or just come and take her to dinner or something. I would have allowed it.
As time went on, I saw her become more and more unhappy with the situation. He had a live in GF who had moved in with him before we had moved back from NC. She has two children. A boy and a girl. He gave my daughter's room to his GF's daughter. She was young when we moved out of that house. But she knew that room had been hers and it pissed her off that he just gave it away to a complete stranger as far as she was concerned. She had no bed to sleep in when she was there. She had nothing that was hers. The longer it went on, the more unhappy she became, and even he had mentioned to me how her attitude had changed.
I finally had enough when my child came home one weekend and told me that he had whipped her with a paddle... I have seen this paddle, it is made from a 2x4... WHAT THE HELL could a four year old have done to warrant a spanking with a paddle??? I called him to discuss the situation and he told me it was none of my business what happened to her when she was with him.
She has not left my home with him since.
I call him occasionally to update him on what is going on with her. He does not call, he does not attempt to see her, he doesn't send her birthday cards or Christmas or any other holiday... He can't even tell me her birthday!!!!
My question here is that with the last conversation I had with him, he was still hell bent on making all of this about me hating him and wanting to hurt him. It has never been about that. I love my daughter and I will do whatever I have to to make her safe and happy.
Since he has not been in her life, she has thrived into a happy healthy little 5 year old girl. She is smart and funny and full of imagination. She excels in school... far ahead of her class. I told him all of this and how well she was doing and he still could not get past how unfair it was to him.
As a parent, wouldn't you rather be out of your child's life and them be happy or in their life and them be completely miserable???
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